Well well well. Look who’s back, back again, tell a friend…dun dun dun. Remember our preseason rankings? Well let’s take a moment to reflect. Another season down, and this season in the Jackman, and in the NFL for that matter, was the Memento of fantasy football - an entertaining ride, but…what the heck just happened?
Chasen Rodgers - the People’s Beloved Champion, a sure fire top 4 pick, the hero we thought would save the day - has lost all hope and fell short of the playoffs… Plagued by injuries and mediocrity, C.J.R. was the hero…but I quote the goblin in Spiderman 1 with Seabiscuit and James Franco: “…one thing they [the people] like more than a hero is to see a hero fall.” And truly, he has fallen. Have I felt bad for him? Yes. His team should have been top 3. Did I enjoy the dire plot twist? …Yes. Sorry not sorry. Better luck next year Chasen. I predict a major come back next year. Just drop half of your team, go into the rookie draft blind, and use all your waiver picks in the first half of the season like me. It’s an infallible plan to make playoffs.
Amunrud and Cook? What a team(s), what a guy(s). Until these teams rolled up, I thought fantasy football was mostly luck. Both contenders have shown careful execution in the draft and in trades. Both have teams that are consistently putting up 110+ performances, triple-doubles all day. But not All Day like Adrian Peterson. He’s on my team, back off. I forsee both making a strong playoff run. If I had to pick a favorite of the two teams…I won’t. But Ian’s team is a little, well, too consistent for my taste. It was like 7 weeks in a row on top of the power rankings - very impressive, truism. Hats off to you in all sincerity. But show me a little more excitement, a little more fluctuation in performance while maintaining the top spot. I appreciate Cook’s team - Thomas Rawls waiver pick up? Now that’s my style. But shout out to Amunrud for that Panthers D/ST pick up. There’s nothing I like more than a clutch D/ST or kicker. If I could orchestrate it, I would have every single one of my games decided by D/ST and/or kickers. Forget explosive receivers - where’s my pick 6?
G. B. Hart, literary scholar, beverage enthusiast, and loyal comrade. He has ranked probably right around the average of his preseason rankings. A quality team, a quality man, but many ups and downs. Overall a winning season, but not quite what I was expecting. Josh Gordon, Joseph Randle, Victor Cruz - tough losses. I expected this kind of conduct and behavior from @PaulDawg, but not from your team. I hold your team to higher behavioral standard. Sigh The Upside? Greg Olson. A dynamic TE for sure. I’d trade you Leonard Hankerson and Crockett Gilmore for this guy. What a deal, ya feelin what I’m feelin? Ya smellin what I’m smellin?
Team Wildcard?! Yours Truly. So wildcard his name isn’t even Wildcard. But seriously what the heck? How did this team actually make it this far? 6 of your starters are free agent/waiver pick ups - would be 7 if you count Big Ben from last year. No one expected him to make it this far, no one expected him to rise to the top. With respect to preseason rankings, @ianamunrud had the most faith in him with measly 8th place finish, and everyone else ranked him 9th. And now he’s in the playoffs?! A couple cases of starting inactive players and statistical bagels slowed him down a little bit, but he’s here. Expect a disappointing playoffs run…or the highest points-for in the league. His team has been too successful as of lately and is starting to lose its unpredictable edge.
Charbonnet, the Comishnuh! I was really hoping the Tebow pick would play out and prove everyone wrong. It didn’t. And Devonta who? That’s what everyone said before this season. I can’t stand this guy, he took Tevin Coleman’s starting spot away. Overall, Team Dynasty is very consistent. Solid starters, solid bench. Nothing to see here folks, just another winning team that finished where it was supposed to this season. I expect a strong playoff’s finish, the force is strong with this one.
Stock. Ugh. Solid starters - check. Solid bench - check. Winning record - what? This team looked so good going into the season, and then… well I don’t even know. His team was dead on arrival unfortunately. The victim of spontaneous deflation and mediocrity. Most of his players just decided they didn’t want to show up. What a bummer. If only Sammie Coates was available…things might have looked different. Poor guy. Maybe a new kicker and jersey will change things next season.
Ventura. Not completely unexpected. His team is like a kid having fun at the beach only to have a surprise storm come ruin the day. Disappointment week in and out for the owner. A glimpse of hope here and there with the occasional Phillip Rivers explosion is only met by another defeat. He’s George Clooney in the movie Up in the Air. (Has anyone other than me seen that movie?) Disappointing ending. But he’s still George Clooney so he’ll shake it off like Taylor Swift.
Meltron - Surprisingly better than expected, like the peanut butter and jelly burger on the menus of some hip, artsy burger joints or “California cuisine” restaurants. What the heck is up with that food genre anyways? Just because you fresh ingredients, citrus based salad dressings, and ramp up the prices doesn’t make the cuisine native to California… though I do love California. At least the south. Unfortunately he didn’t make playoffs, but I think his eligibility was largely dependent on Rodgers’ performance. Better luck next year my friend.
Alex - the Patriot fanboy. 5 starters on the Patriots? Now that’s a bold move. I mean, the Patriots killed it this year, so it payed off, but I’m not sure I’d even do that. Only a few picks off of free agency, and a couple from trades. Most of his players are original draft picks. How do you guys keep all your players? You have so much patience. I impulsively drop and add players based off of one or two bad or performances, respectively. Fantasy is more exciting that way. Anyways, Brady Jr. here is the victim of much hate in the league for his allegiance. Keep rising past the haters. Another year down, another year in the playoffs.